This Lady Can Dream....

Since I've posted one of my "lists" under the blog "Undressed", I decided to share some more. These ones were written early last year 2005. Notes in this colour were added for this post.


Wildest Dreams List 2005

1. Fly to the moon, walk on it, see Earth in orbit and come back (yes, I do want to come back to Earth)
2. Travel for at least 3 years around the world and be able to afford it, even if I am mainly backpacking
3. Climb all seven continental summits (but Mount Everest instead of K2)
4. Start my own successful business/ foundation
5. Be financially wealthy/ independent
6. Crew for an Ocean Race (sailing) – Melbourne/Sydney/South Africa to Hobart/Melbourne/Sydney
7. Record songs with Bette Midler, Tina Turner, Robbie Williams and Bjork, or back them up during a live concert
8. Have a personal chef, cleaner, driver and stylist
9. Have a house (moderate to small size for family, I don’t like big houses) with a heated lap pool in Switzerland
10. My kitty cat to live with me and stay young (her age now)

** Still pretty accurate.... It'll be greater of course if my sugar was sharing all experiences with me. That would be WILDER!!!


Wants List 2005

1. Tour Africa
2. Tour Nepal/Burma/Myanmar
3. Tour Papua New Guinea
4. Go around the world and visit many countries for at least one year, without running out of money or needing to work (still want to do it this way, but most likely will be doing a continent each trip for 3 months or more)
5. Be financially independent
6. Tour Europe
7. Tour Australia (Done, cant think of a new "want" to add…)
8. My own vegetable patches and fruit trees (mangoes, figs, persimmons, bananas?, etc)
9. To live somewhere where everything I need (e.g. fairs, markets, libraries, parks, shops, restaurants, public transport) is within 5 minutes walking distance or a short public transport ride away
10. A hybrid car like the Toyota Prius or Honda Civic Hybrid (in gold, green and violet chameleon colours) to drive when I feel like a new environment from number 9


Material Wish List 2005

1. Clothes dryer (e.g. Maytag) that keep the excess moisture in a container so I don’t have to worry about air condition while it is operating. I hate waiting for clothes to dry! (Hahahah!!! So funny!)
2. Hybrid car
3. Accommodation (… don’t know what I meant by this???? Do you??)
4. Rich field telescope with as at least 8 inches aperture (I have a childhood fascination for the sky, would love to learn its wonders from SOMEONE whom has a lot of interesting knowledge and experience of it, instead of me just learning it from books)
5. Digital SLR camera (has to be Nikon, I was told...?)
6. Creativ Zen or iRiver (not ipod) with memory to hold movies, photos, music and e-books (sounds like I’d need100gb!!! Hahah! I was obviously preparing for long-haul travel already then...?)
7. Travel, travel, travels!
8. Photography lessons
9. My own swag or one that can fit comfortably my sugar and I
10. Two types of bikes (BOTH LIGHTWEIGHT!! Coz Im always taking it somewhere where I end up carrying it over my shoulder!!): 1st) A midrange (or up) off road bike suited to my height - I spent the money for it on my trip around Australia! I will always choose a new trip/travel over material things. I decided christmas 2005's self gift would have to wait. I could still use either of the 2 hand-me-down bikes for another year! One a little tall which Rob uses, the other a little short, which I use. Hahahah! 2nd) A lightweight, folding travel bike similar to the one I saw used on Amazing Race when contestants where in Japan. I plan to bring it along, if possible, whenever I travel, e.g. work trips, peak hour trains, weekend aways, etc.

Worthy Causes Or Misdirected Endeavours?

Some months back I talked about a time where I tried to help a girl called “April”, but was instead deceived. To make weeks of stories short, she said she just started working as a “girl bar dancer only, not the streets”(she was actually a street veteran); 16 years old (maybe, now I think older, but still young); and was trying to earn some money during the holidays to continue study nursing (Ahh… no! She sat next to the guys before I arrived, to see if she could peddle herself).

I couldn’t let April go without offering assistance – to pay for her studies. It was going to put my Sugar and I in a higher financial commitment and more emotional responsibility for several years, but I wanted to follow it through. Plus I needed to act on my need to give to someone in need.

Being very aware of scams, I offered very basic help to start with, stayed business-like, and asked for a lot of proof. We discussed a great future for April, if she were legit. I took a leap of faith… invested time and approximately AUD$60 on her… found out the truth… and was disappointed.

… I tell this story as a lead-up to the topic of financial aid and/or volunteer work.

I may sound idealistic, but I still can see issues realistically... it's a gift (heheheh). Due to my experiences; my knowledge in governance and its systems; basic common sense; and personal interests, I became aware of the following (but please note I write it here very simplistically, I suggest for you to actively find out for yourself to understand fully and make your own decisions):

• There are a lot of aid agencies or organisations that are trying to help, children especially, in poorer countries – so many that people are starting to take it for granted, and even turned it into a profitable business venture.
• Volunteer work and financial aid has become a money-making industry – hard to tell who really means to help without expecting adoration, and who is helping for the adoration, and who is keeping all the glory (money)???? Where have all those billions of dollars of financial aid gone?? Can you see any improvement after these all these years??
• There are many people like myself who wants to volunteer – some has good ideas, some don’t. Some has good things/experiences to share, others don’t.
• Many of the aid agencies only offer up to high school sponsorship - why give them a lifeline, then snatch it off just before the finish line??
• Many of these children whom are sent to school do not finish high school because they weren’t interested in school – waste of money?? Worthy cause?
• Many of the girls who became pregnant or had children were not offered to continue their education – one mistake and they are not worthy of help, even if they ask for it??
• Many university students are working very hard trying to finish their degree – where is help for them? Aren’t they the ones who could educate and change their country, not us?? Shouldn’t we help the ones who actually want to do it??
• There are too many kids in the street and other problems – are the endeavours to improve their quality of life misdirected?? Should we be focusing on birth control and making them understand responsibilities?? Are we stopping the “faucet from leaking by stuffing it with paper”??
• There are many people/volunteers/tourists who are gullible/kind/egoistic that they hand out money or help without thought, believing they are giving good welfare, which then results to the locals taking advantage (they cant help themselves, it’s so easy, its human nature) – aren’t we as a collective sending the wrong message??

...Understanding all these, and knowing many, many, many more issues (the list above is definitely not exhaustive), I know I will come across more “April” in people and in situations. But every time I trip, I check for bruising, I make sure I learn not to do it again, and then continue walking.

I still would like to go overseas. I will leave home issues to others who don't want to travel for now. There are so many volunteers here in Australia that they now have interviews and waiting lists! I do hope when I do finally carry volunteering out, it will be with a worthwhile group.

I still want to support the helpless or disadvantaged. But my compassion feel limited to those whom could not control their mistreatment and only to those whom wanted to help themselves. I believe in the proverb, “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime”. But experiences has thought me, you can teach someone how to fish and even give them the tools needed to do it easily, but if they don’t want to lift a finger to do it, they will never have fish.

The safest bets are animals and nature (i.e. sustainable development), but I would still consider some people (children and adults). There are plenty of volunteers and agencies out there willing to help out those not in my list, they can worry about it.

Optimistically, I can also start up a foundation. At the moment I’m trying to figure it out, working out where my current motivations are, harmonising my need to see the world (spend money on myself) and my need to give to the world and/or it’s inhabitants (spend money on them). Best case scenario, is to be able to do both fully and well.

…. We will see….

Gold-Hearted Thoughts Without Action Makes It Equivalent To Hardboiled Eggs

(I wrote this on 2 January 2006. It took this long to clearly think this through…)

There are two parts of me that I am paying more attention to now – the part that wants to experience the world by seeing, and the part that wants to experience the world by giving.

For a long time now I felt like I wasn’t giving enough (outside my families). I had become complacent to community service, which I always said I wanted to be involved in. I talked but did not follow with actions. I used to do a lot of volunteer work. But I gradually stopped about 10 years ago, when I decided to take control of my life and work on a better future for myself, than the one I was given.

The years passed by quickly. The natural progression of my life then would have been to do aid work overseas for a minimum of one year at one place, continuously, while experiencing the world. I started a relationship and created a new family so priorities, interests and compromises changed. Seeing the world became more complicated too. My old family also took more of my time. For a long time they kept me busy with emotional issues. It felt hypocritical if I helped others and care for them before I helped my own. I told myself, “charity starts at home”. Mentioning the very little volunteering I did within the 10 years would just be for stupid self-glorification and is pretentious and phony, taking undeserved bragging points. Currently I do lack pride in myself with regards what I really should have achieved by now in aid work.

Hindsight is still good. Looking back at those “turning point” moments I had in life, I stand by those reasoning (e.g. to care for others first) and decisions (e.g. to postpone aid work overseas). I knew my decisions in the past would result to where I am now (or what I lack now) therefore it was not a surprise. Still, I have pride in my achievements professionally and feel very blessed to have my Sugar and my Delight. I do love how my life is now in general, and really like how I turned out to be as a person.

Foresight was harder. I didn’t think time would move so fast. I (cant help) feel like I was left behind. I didn’t think it would take so long. I didn’t think it would continue to “take and take and take” (e.g. my old family). I didn’t think my virtues such as patience, charity and understanding would be so far tested. I thought if I gave it most of my time, it would get easier. I didn’t think I would question if the time I invested on others could have been better spent on me.

I was never a superwoman. I congratulate those who can do all they want, all the time, and still take care of those things that are not in their plans. These past years showed me I couldn’t “do it all”… but the hope of “can AND will still” kept my spirit fire burning.

As my self-actualisation needs have repeatedly informed me that I could no longer disguise my inconvenient desire to travel “my way – to see and to give”, I am more restless and less inclined to be selfless. But things happen for a reason. These years made me realise how much I am capable of giving and for how long. I experienced enough now to only want to help those whom seemed to want to help themselves and eventually take care of themselves, including family. Very tough choice, but I stand by it, right or wrong. So I am now concentrating on supporting my sugar and myself (with more emphasis on myself), as we both chase our dreams.

You will hear more about this now, since it is now allowed “out of the hat”, as I aspire to it, and express more of my views openly.