I DID IT!!! Hahahahah! (Whew!!)
... the old habit was broken... the fear faced head on and overcome... the moment highly stressed over but enjoyed....
I finally stopped hiding from friends and turning off my phone on my birthday. I fought hard to control my phobia or neurotic tendencies when it came to celebrating "me". Instead I came out with a bang!! And what a perfect time to do it!! My 30th! I organised a birthday dinner party followed with a night out in town!! The weather was beautiful!
Of course because it was my first time to organise a party for myself, there were hiccups. I chose Cookie as a meeting place for dinner. I thought my friends would LOVE it!! I've been there twice and although not the best service, it was a good haunt. A disappointing change can sure happen to a venue in less than 5 months! :-) Tsk tsk tsk! It was too noisy, the music too loud. It would have been okay and bearable still if the maitre 'd wasn't such a bi&%h and agreed to place all our tables together (she was power tripping!!). We ended with 2 tables together, but the 3rd table in the opposite side of the room!! Even though there were 2 other empty tables with the same number of seats, closer to the other group!!! So I chose to sit with the group that was separated so they wouldnt feel left out. Which meant I barely spoke to those in the other 2 tables. Pity coz two friends I really wanted to spend time with were in the other tables, and they travelled all the way from Kyneton (more than 1 hour drive). I felt quite bad. If my partner, whom are really more friends with the Kyneton couple, wasnt overseas, he would be with them and the other group, helping me keep everyone feel welcome.
In my mind (when I wasn't panicking and hyperventilating and thinking, "What have I done???? I don't wanna do this!!!"....) I talked to the group and told everyone how the were appreciated by moi. Even though I knew I was going to embarrass myself (nothing new), I wanted to take that time to introduced each person to the group (and embarrass them too with my gushing) and how they were linked/special to me. Most of my friends dont know each other, so I imagined the dinner to be a chance for everyone to get to know and chat with each other. But coz the restaurant was too noisy, they understandably stayed in their tables instead. Feedback was they still loved it and enjoyed the food and company - so either it was true or they were trying to be nice ;-). I had fun :-).
My friends have been wonderful and supportive, especially during the planning stages. A lot of them rolling their eyes, shaking their heads and laughing at my face - but, only because I was doing the same thing to myself. I've always seen the humour, in between panic attacks.... :-)
After dinner half the couples left coz they had a long trip home ahead of them. One friend also left coz he just came back from a business trip that same night! I took the rest to a non-smoking bar I wanted them to check out. I thought... take care of the boys/husbands first (most were non-dancers) and let them chilll and drink. But I could see that the girls/wives were getting fidgetty and wanted to dance (plus the bar was unexpectedly quiet, the city nightlife started later that night), so I decided to start heading to the nightclub where we were staying put.
Unfortunately, the husbands wanted to go home already coz they were tired and some organised golf early that morning. They always seem to do this, but I thought they would make an exception tonight, since the wives have been talking about dancing with me since I started organising my bash!!! I mean really, when you have been forewarned weeks ago of the party date and what to expect, why organise another event which could be used as a reason so as to leave early??? It was sad, I felt sorry for the wives after they were told, but what can I/we do.... I am not fighting other people's battles. So by 11.30-ish only the singles (or 'singles for the night' like myself) were left to trot to the nightclub, where I was meeting more friends.
This could be my other hiccup - the weather, although beautiful, I think was tiring people out. We weren't as young anymore, and I didn't really consider that some of them cannot do an all-nighter every weekend anymore. I thought they could. But I guess they really werent as energetic as myself; or as "go go go" regardless of where we were going, what time we finish, and how outside my comforts/likes what we chose to do seem to be. My friends are growing older faster than myself.
Anyway, we headed to the club to join other friends. The club is located in one of the historical vaults built close to the train station in the 1850s as storage facilities for goods and eventually bananas. This specific vault was renovated to house the nightclub. The interior is now a fusion of Asian and Middle Eastern décor, Moroccan styled lamps, deep red ceilings, lush carpeted walls and distinct little getaways within the venue itself.
There we danced the night away.... I think there's some wild photos of me in someone else's camera :-). I may even end up on the club's website. Oops, another hiccup - I had a camera but I didn't pull it out to take photos at all, NOT EVEN ONCE, because I was so stressed (though having fun) because I was out enjoying my birthday!!!! It's hard to explain - how it is possible to have fun and stress at the same time (don't ask me to explain) - but that was exactly how I felt until I was on the dancefloor. I'm usually snap-happy, but this time I dont have any pictures :-). I should have hired a photographer! ;-P
I was home early in the morning, woke up 2 hours later, did more birthday stuff, and attended more birthday celebrations (drank a whole bottle of moscato wine on my own during a girlfriend's Sunday birthday brunch! Plus more!!) on the weekend. Enjoyed the WHOLE weekend!!
It's Monday now, I took a day off, I feel soooooh tired. But instead of sleeping in, I'm here writing a blog recording my achievement of finally organising a party for my birthday and celebrating it with friends!! Woohooo!!!
(Dont expect me to do it again next year.... After saying, "been there, done that"... I still prefer hiding and keeping to myself... hhhhhmmmmm.)
The only setback, my hubby being stuck overseas to make sure our business survives. I miss him very very much. If not for our business overseas, he would have been here celebrating with me. I wish I could go to him, we have been separated for too long. But instead of paying for my airfare, we decided to just add it to his living allowance and/or to spend on the business. If he is not back by February next year, I will have to go to him to spend Valentine's with him at least. This Christmas, we will definitely be separated for the first time since we were together. Daily phonecalls and text messages barely sufficing but will have to do for now.
